Inaugural #WritingTips Post

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”
—Ernest Hemingway

Scene Setting – Part 1 – Talking Heads

Hello, and welcome to our first blog feature providing writing and editing tips. Today we're going to be talking about something we see quite frequently while editing—“talking heads.” Talking heads takes place in a manuscript when there is a great conversation going on, usually a long conversation or scene, where there is no setting or actions for what is happening around the characters. Sometimes it’s not obvious straight up as the dialogue is riveting, but then the reader starts to wonder things: Where are they? Are they just standing there and not moving while they are talking?

Example:

Eve slapped his face, hard, and then took off. Adam needed to talk to her about what happened. Letting her go was not an option.

“Hey, Eve,” he shouted. “Slow down, baby, I just need you to listen to me.”

Eve’s steps faltered, and his heart soared that she might let him make it up to her.

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

Eve was crying hard when he found her. Adam’s heart wrenched at the sight, knowing he’d caused her pain.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it when I said that your bottom looked big in that leaf.”

Let’s identify the problems in this short scene:

1.     Where is this scene taking place, and what does it look like?

2.     Where did Eve go?

3.     How did Adam get to her?

4.     What were their bodies doing during the scene, or were their hands by their sides the whole time after the initial slap?

Setting the scene:

Eve slapped his face, hard, and then took off from their encampment. Adam chased after her, surprised at how fast she was running. He needed to talk to her about what happened. Letting her go was not an option. The Garden of Eden was overgrown, though, lush with all manner of flowering shrubs and long grass, and he soon lost sight of her among the dense foliage.

“Hey, Eve,” he shouted. “Slow down, baby, I just need you to listen to me.”

Eve’s steps faltered, and his heart soared that she might let him make it up to her.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Eve’s voice filtered back at him from the wall of green, still out of sight.

Adam put on a burst of speed, and as he rounded the large willow tree on the banks of the stream that ran through the garden, he caught sight of her. She was sitting on a log on the very edge of the garden; her head was bowed down, and she was sobbing into her hands. His heart wrenched at the sight, knowing he’d caused her pain.

He slowed down as he trod over the uneven ground that separated them and then knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. She tried to pull away, but he held her fingers a little tighter.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it when I said that your bottom looked big in that leaf.”

As shown in the example solution above, it’s not necessary to laboriously detail the surroundings as if you are describing them for a travel program. For example:

The Garden of Eden was the home of Adam and Eve. The first thing to greet you on entering the Garden of Eden was the flowering Ash. It was a tall tree with lots of branches and flowering foliage. As you moved through the garden there were low and high bushes that sometimes flowered in springtime. Next was the middle of the garden . . .

When setting the scene, incorporate what you can naturally in the narrative or dialogue rather than provide a breakdown of what a character sees. In the example, the location is set by where Eve ran from (the encampment) and then more detail by way of why Adam lost sight of Eve so quickly (the G of E was overgrown and lush with foliage). Adam & Eve’s movements are added naturally (Eve runs, Adam chases her and finds her sitting on a log with her head in her hands, which he then takes into his hands to plead his case).

Adam and Eve are no longer talking heads.

Look out for a future writing tip: Setting the Scene – Part 2 – Floating objects.